Practicing Permaculture in the Surburbs.

Practicing permaculture in surburbia is not as difficult as it seems. Having only completed the introductory course has opened up the possibilities in maintaining a sustainable lifestyle. I will share with you my experience since learning about permaculture.

I live in a small apartment with an adjoining balcony and growing a large amount of food is somewhat limited but not impossible. I’ve enjoyed harvesting a variety of vegetables and herbs over the last few years. Food scraps are composted in a small worm farm and any excess harvest is given away to family and friends. I have also joined a local group of “permies” who plan to one day establish a community garden. This will provide the opportunity for me to grow a larger variety of food. Finding an appropriate site and getting through local council red tape is the only hold up but we’re persisting.

Joining the main Sydney-based permaculture group (permaculturenorth.com.au) has been an eye opening and educating process. The increase in popularity is steadily growing. Sharing ideas with fellow like-minded people has been invaluable.
From a Tantrik perspective, practicing permaculture has opened up the context of life to a much wider view and my connection to the cycles of nature have been enhanced. I am in awe of this ongoing creative process.

When you feed life it will feed and nourish you in return.

Contributed by Sarasvati

A New Direction

Risi and Anuttarabhavana

A New Direction
by Dharmanidhi Sarasvati

It has been 12 years since my teacher asked me to teach and begin a new householder aspect of our tradition as an autonomous school. And during those years I’ve worked to put together a systematic body of knowledge and teaching that would be comprehensive and inclusive of all students regardless of aptitude, capacity and experience.

The system, and my way of presenting it, has been anything but static. The model I was given was that of a monastic training institution deeply informed by Indian cultural and religious values as well as more superfluous aspects of the culture and modernity. It was obvious to both my teacher and me that this non-sequential monastic approach to Tantrik Yoga would never work in the west, nor would it actually suit the householders I was intending to teach.

So I worked on a method of progressing through the teachings and practices, structuring the system into 6 levels of initiation. My teacher added a 7^th level, gave the school its name “Wisdom-Fire Family of Practitioners” (in Sanskrit – Jnanagni Kula), and told me to begin teaching in San Francisco (at that time I was then a 10 year resident and citizen of Australia).

There was much to learn about teaching classical Tantrik Yoga and meditation to the west. Students’ mindsets were different than in India, even different from New York to California. It became clear after a year or two that no one would ever progress through the 7^th level. Not because the students weren’t as deep or sincere as their Indian counterparts, but simply because their religious, cultural, and educational training made them unable to benefit from the classical system of teaching and initiation we had devised.

This realization was powerful and caused me to research and study even more deeply to understand better how to make this profound system (that has crossed many cultural and religious boundaries since it’s inception) accessible to modern people of both west and east.

Many times during the last 12 years I mistakenly thought that I’d finally arrived at the proper way to: 1) preserve the authentic essence of Tantra while, 2) accommodating the very different and real needs of the modern western student, only to discover some limitation or flaw and have to go back to the work of re-structuring the teaching system and the student body.

As many of you know, 12 years is an astrological cycle of completion and I am pleased to announce that these years were not in vain – they were merely in development. 7 years ago my senior teacher made the prediction that I, and therefore the school, would struggle for 7 years through many obstacles and difficulties, and then it would become smoother and easier to present this Dharma, and that the school would flourish.

I’m glad to say that I sincerely believe that the development of our Thailand retreat and learning center (Kailash Akhara) and the new re-structuring of the school that has come together this year (presented below) is the fruition of that prediction, and heralds the real birth of our school.

To all of the students who have supported the school through these years of change you have my heart-felt gratitude. I know that it hasn’t been easy for those of you who dislike change. I’m sure that when you take the time to learn the new school structure you’ll agree that these changes are for the best and will give the most people access to the teachings while preserving the tradition’s integrity, wholeness, and profundity for generations to come.

What follows is a short description. I will be meeting with the student body in person this year in Thailand, Berkeley and Brazil to answer any remaining questions, so please don’t email Kiranamayi and I with questions.

If you find that you have burning questions about the new structure, please ask your local kula administration group first and if they cannot answer to your satisfaction hold tight as it is only a matter of weeks until I arrive in the U.S.A. and Brazil. If students who live far from a Jnanagni kula center have questions after reading this article, please email Kiranamayi at kiranamayi108@yahoo.com.

Again, I’m confident that you’ll see just how good this new structure is and how it immensely simplifies things for us all.

The New Structure

The major change is that the school will now offer two ways of studying, two ways of engaging with the tradition.

The first track of study, called “Parishioner-Student,” is for your own education in Tantrik Yoga as a philosophy and practice. You study and practice to satisfy your own intellectual and spiritual needs without taking a working role in the school itself. No name change or initiation is involved in this first track and there are no obligations to the school or the teacher.

The second track is a type of vocational training, which we will call “Vocational-Student”. In this track of study the student is preparing to become an acarya (senior instructor and lineage representative), or a permanent resident of a Jnanagni Kula retreat center, or a hermit residing in a Jnanagni Kula
hermitage. In this track the progressive system of initiations is used to impress upon the student their ever-greater commitment to the preservation and transmission of the teachings. Because these students will be lineage representatives they will be given a practice name and the Sarasvati surname. In the Vocational-Student track, the student is in training to be of service to the Parishioner-Students and the Dharma Itself.

At summer TYSG retreat in Thailand I unveiled a 7-level re-structuring of the kula. This structure has been re-worked and is now only utilized in the vocational-student track of study.

Looking at a historical time-line will help to clarify as well. When Swami Sivananda wanted the teachings to expand in post-British empire India he initiated foreigners as well as women (even foreign women, e.g. Swami Radha of Canada) into the monastic aspect of the yoga tradition called sanyas. These people became celibate nuns and monks. At that time there was no other way to be involved in the tradition.

Then Swami Satyananda wished to further extend the spiritual and health benefits of the tradition to an even wider circle. To do so he created “karma sanyas”. Karma sanyasins were initiates in the Sarasvati order of monasticism who were allowed to be in public life, even being a householder with family, but they were to maintain an inner austerity reflected in an outer austerity (without denying their family obligations) and they maintained the monastic dress code of burnt-orange robes and shaven head. They were also obliged to spend a week or more per year in the ashram.

Jnanagni Kula was the next logical step in bringing this tradition to the general public. Our school was to be an autonomous layperson branch of the tradition. Jnanagni Kula was to re-establish the most ancient form of spiritual training before the invention of monasteries and celibate orders. Our school was to reflect the tradition of the Rishis and Tantrik Mahasiddhas who were extraordinary spiritual adepts while being householders or hermits. They were often male and female practitioner couples (reciprocal consorts), e.g. Vasistha and Arundhati, who had children who also attained great heights of spiritual accomplishment.

The reason that everyone who went to the ashram got initiated, received a new name with the Sarasvati last name, and wore specific color robes etc., was that they were in training to be servants of the ashram and the teacher. They were being trained as integral parts of the school, as lineage representatives.

In modern times the majority of people going to my teacher’s ashrams for initiation do not actually want to become teachers, nuns or monks. They actually desire to learn spiritual practice and to be involved in a spiritual community.

I have found over these 12 years that it is confusing to initiate everyone who comes for meditation instructions or yoga class, etc. It creates a situation where people think that to receive the deepest teachings they have to be initiated into progressively higher levels. They also mistakenly surmise that to progress to deeper levels of spiritual attainment they must become involved in the school administration. I want to correct that misperception with this new school structure.

I want the students of the school to understand that they don’t need to be initiated and change their name in order to receive the deepest and best instruction in Tantrik practice and philosophy. The courses and classes are open to all people.

The student who is not seeking Tantrik vocational training to become a part of the school’s teaching staff, or to become a permanent resident of a center or hermitage should think of themselves as a parishioner-student. That is, they are part of a large body of practitioners of the tradition who attend school functions.

Implementing The New Structure

This means that if you have already been initiated as a Visesasamaya diksite and you do not want to enter the 7 level system of training to:

1. become an acarya
2. become a hermit, or
3. reside permanently at a retreat center serving the school,

you should no longer use the Sarasvati last name. The Sanskrit practice names and the Sarasvati surname will be used now to designate only those students undergoing vocational training.

If you have already gone to the trouble of legally performing a name-change then please feel free to keep your initiated name as your legal name. I’m not asking those people to go through the hassle of reversing that legal process. Also, if you use your sanskrit first name within work and social circles and wish to maintain that continuity, please feel free to keep using that name if you so desire.

Those previously initiated students not going the vocational-student route with initiations should remember that this change is merely external.

No longer using the Sarasvati lineage name does not say anything about your inner commitment to your path, the teachings, the school, nor does it reflect on your relationship with the teacher, nor on your level of spiritual attainment.

This last point is very important. Many students feel that unless they are initiated at higher levels they won’t receive as strong a spiritual benefit from the teacher’s instructions. This is false. Whether a person is a parishioner-student or 7^th level lineage representative initiate has zero to do with their ability to connect to the lineage and the teachings.

It is up to each of us, regardless of outer trappings, to have our own experience. Whether it is spiritually deep or shallow is wholly up to our purity, motive, and diligence in practice, not whether we have a Sanskrit name or not, and not even whether we have ever spoken to the teacher one-on-one.

In my own case I was deeply devoted to Swami Satyananda and performed intense guru-yoga for 7 years, BEFORE I EVER MET HIM IN PERSON. Not knowing him on a personal level did not prevent me from receiving some spiritual awakenings and attainments. This is because our spiritual development comes from within us – not from outside. It comes from our inner purity of heart and dedication – not from how close we think we are to their body.

Choosing Parishioner or Vocational Expression

The question may now arise as to which of the 2 tracks of study is appropriate for you.

This should not be difficult since most of those who want to be acaryas, hermits, or permanent residents at a Jnanagni Kula retreat center have already made their decision known to me.  But to be very clear, and so that we can begin to keep accurate records I am requesting that anyone in the kula who wants to be a hermit, a permanent retreat resident, or an acarya write a letter of application, including your birth data; date, time and place, and send a hard copy to:

595/147 Sukhumvit Soi 77, OnNut
Lumpini Tower, Bldg. E, #915
Suan Luang,  Suan Luang
Bangkok, Thailand 10250

and an email copy to:
kiranamayi108@yahoo.com

Once we receive and accept your application you’ll be sent a detailed description of the curriculum requirements etc. and after assessing the materials you can make a final decision and notify us of your intention.

If anyone who is new (or old) to the school develops the desire to train in the vocational track in the future you may apply at that time. This is not a one-time only admission. But please remember to consider your choice deeply before requesting the vocational track. You can see some basic requirements below in the simplified description of the vocational-student curriculum.

Adi-Yoga Teachers

Anyone interested in teaching Adi-Yoga Introductory and levels I and II courses and classes, need not apply for the vocational track. To be certified as an Adi-Yoga teacher at level III and above will necessitate the vocational track of study completed at a Jnanagni Kula residential retreat center.

The new school structure is very similar to what Chogyam Trungpa and Nomkhai Norbu came up with when they started teaching in the west. All students have equal access to the teachings and there is a specific track for those students who will become teachers. What our school teaches and the way we teach is very similar to these 2 schools. Both are lay practitioner schools preserving and transmitting Tantra in the west. We are in good company.

The Pandita Program

For parishioner-students who want a deeper education in Tantra I’m working on creating a 5 – 7 year Tantrik Pandita Program. This program will be an intensive education in Tantra at Jnanagni Kula residential retreat and learning centers like the Thailand center – Kailash Akhara.

The program is inspired by the ancient degree of “Pandita” that was given after many rigorous years of study in a residential temple of learning. The Tibetan Tantrikas of the Buddhist and Bon sects still offer the 7 year “Geshe” and “Khenpo” degrees which are the equivalents of the old world Pandita degree.

The Pandita degree program will give parishioner-students the opportunity to study and practice for 5 – 7 years as a resident of a retreat and learning center, moving through progressive, sequential stages of study without taking any initiations or commitments. Though practices are taught as part of the study, the student decides if they will do the practices and how much of them they will do.

I am currently looking for teachers for the departments of Ayurveda, Jyotisha (astrology), Puja, Sanskrit, and Philosophy. Once these teachers are in place the first class admission will be announced. I estimate taking the first students in 2010 or 2011.

This program is mostly geared to parishioner-students but is also open to the students of the vocational track (a sort of double-major).

Below is the basic outline of the 7 levels of the vocational track.

I: Parishioner

All vocational-students start out as parishioners. A parishioner is a friend of the school who participates in community ceremonies and teachings as they wish. No financial obligation, no mandatory karma-yoga.

General Principle:

One need not “climb the ladder” of commitment to gain access to the “real” or “effective” teachings and practices of Tantra. What one learns as a parishioner will assuredly bring self-realization if practiced sincerely. One need not do more. One should continue onwards to different levels of commitment in Jnanagni Kula because of genuine desire to be of service to the teachings/the Dharma itself. No essential missing secrets exist that could be revealed at later levels.

Overview:

1. Cultivate health as entry point to Tantrik practice – as the way of showing up.
2. Psychological Wholeness. Developing a clear sense of self within a fully integrated personality that is able to discern between what is and what is not appropriate for you and your path. Healing patterns of addiction, seeking approval from others, and any tendency to “follow the crowd” without proper self-reflection on one’s needs and boundaries. Gaining psychological wholeness may be best facilitated by working with a qualified therapist. The importance of psychological wholeness cannot be overemphasized. Tantra is a path that requires the student to be completely self-possessed, otherwise the ego-dissolution that is purposefully invoked at more advanced stages of Tantrik practices may cause the student with a dis-integrated personality to become mentally unstable.
3. Experiment with Foundational Tantrik practices by learning basic Adi-Yoga, prostrations, basic Ayurveda for daily routine and the basic purification mantras: Mahamrityunjaya and Gayatri.
4. Familiarize yourself with the basic view teachings of non-dual Tantra.
5. Wear a white dhoti to pujas and teachings.

To enter the next level of commitment one must spend a minimum of 2 years at parishioner level studying and completing pre-requisite courses, prostrations and mantra repetitions.

Course Requirements:

• Adi-Yoga Intro
• Ayurveda Dinacarya course
• Tantra Loka I

II: Samaya

Samaya is the first step in formalizing the student’s relationship to the Tantrik path in general and Jnanagni Kula in specific. The student studies at the Samaya level for a minimum of 3 years before applying for the Visesasamaya level if it is their desire to do so. Samaya level is a foundational level of study wherein the student lays down a solid basic understanding of Tantrik view teachings and practices.

Overview:

1. Study: View teachings, texts, history of Tantra and our lineage/our Vidya.
2. Mandatory kula seva – karma yoga: 4 hrs/month administered by local kula, or if living in a remote area – volunteering locally or internet help.
3. Complete 100,000 prostrations and 100,000 rounds of Gayatri or Mahamrtyunjaya mantra.
4. Demonstrate:
   1. Total Responsibility for one’s situation: past, present, future.
   2. Total Acceptance of others ways and beliefs as long as they do not directly threaten your life or your families life.
   3. Respect – for self (health, vajra pride/dignity) and others.
   4. Resourcefulness – able to meet your needs and offer generosity to others.
   5. Gratitude for this precious human birth, your parents, the dharma, the kula, your teacher and the lineage masters.
5. Daily study of the 21 Precepts: trying one’s best to live the precepts and to study them deeply, not expecting perfection of the precepts yet – but by the end of 3+ years at Samaya one should be keenly aware of breaks and review the day each evening and make a sankalpa to do better each day.
6. Effort at 2^nd Attention
7. Developing habit of 1 practice session a day. Same time each day.
8. Begin to decide on hermit, permanent retreat center resident volunteer, or acarya path.
9. Ending self-absorption/indulgence.
10. 1^st line of work completed.
11. Wearing yellow dhoti.
12. Minimum 3 years

Course Requirements for Samaya Level:

• Tantra Loka I & II
• Adi-Yoga levels I & II (if appropriate)
• Deeper studies in Ayurveda for self-care
• And more…

III: Visesasamaya

1. VOW to keep precepts without break.
2. Dissolution of emotional reactivity at thought formation level before expressing it.
3. Nama samskaram – Dharma name + Sarasvati surname given.
4. Proper assessment of kundalini awakening – or not and taking the appropriate upaya.
5. Choose acarya, hermit or resident volunteer path.
6. Karma Yoga – Kula Seva = 8 hours/month (unless living at a retreat and learning center.)
7. VOW to keep 2 practice times per day (length up to you).
8. Certain amount of time will be spent at a Jnanagni Kula retreat center for training. An average of 6 months/year to be decided on a case-by-case basis.
9. 3 years minimum as Visesasamaya and confirmed kundalini awakening before applying for Nirvana diksa.
10. 2^nd line of work = WORK FOR OTHERS & WORLD COMPLETED.
11. Wearing a red dhoti at pujas and teachings.
12. Plus deeper relevant studies assigned by the head teacher.

IV: Nirvana (Sisya)

• Confirmed kundalini awakening.
• Confirmed No-Returner/stream-enterer.
• Precepts as instinct. Impossible to break.
• Complete commitment to 3^rd line of work = WORK FOR THE TEACHINGS THEMSELVES/FOR THE DHARMA.
• VOWS:
  • Minimum 2 practice times daily (length up to you)
  • Mandatory period of residence at a Jnanagni kula retreat center.
  • KEEPING ALL PRECEPTS
  • And more…
• No minimum for karma yoga-Kula seva.
• Wearing a red dhoti with linga and tri-rekha symbol on it at pujas and teachings.

V: Permanent Resident, Acarya and Hermit Initiations

Hermit – Temporary

• Diksa required. Must apply with Tantracarya.
  
• Limited time period to spend at Jnanagni Kula hermitage.
• Wear medium blue, navy blue or black clothes only.
• Maximum vow of 3 yrs + 3 months.
• Specialized hermit course of study.

Hermit – Permanent

• Live at Jnanagni Kula hermitage or be self-sustaining in nature. No urban hermits allowed.
• Wear blue/black clothing only.
• Specialized hermit course of study.

Acarya

• Diksa required. Must apply with Tantracarya.
• Wear blue-maroon clothes only.
• Must choose which acarya path to take:
  • View Acarya
  • Method Acarya
  • Combined
• Completion of appropriate course of study.

VI: Purna & Maha Purna Diksa Abhisekha

VII: Mahadigambara Siddha Diksa

• Complete, irreversible renunciation of all societal roles such as husband, wife, acarya, student etc. This is the Tantrik equivalent of the Paramahamsa diksa of the sanyasin tradition. One wanders solo in union with their essence until they die or transmogrify.

F. A. Q.’s

After presenting the school’s new way of organizing the student body’s tracks of study to a small group at Kailash Akhara, some refining questions were generated. In the following FAQ section you will find some answers to questions that you may have.

1. Q: If I am on the vocational track for becoming a permanent resident of a retreat, when do I have to actually take up residence permanently?

A: A student may desire to take up residence immediately as a parishioner-student while they complete the required courses of study and time-period based sequence of initiations. Or the student may need to gather their resources first for a period of time before they can reside permanently at a retreat center because there is a fee. During the vocational track of study, the student is required to have longer periods of residence at the retreat center as they progress through the training.

By the Visesasamaya level of study (after a minimum of 5 years) the vocational-student will probably be required to reside for an average of 6 months per year at the center. This will be decided on a case-by-case basis. This will allow them time to gather resources for the next period of stay and a nest egg for the period of permanent residency.

2. Q: We’ve been taught that there is no Tantra without guru. If we are parishioner-students now (without the lineage name Sarasvati), is Dharmanidhi no longer our guru? Are we really practicing Tantra then?

A: I’ll answer this by reminding you of a story that I’ve been relating in teachings the past 2 years.

A yogini of the Bon Tantrik tradition attained the rainbow body while in her 30’s recently in northeastern Tibet. She was not a resident of a monastery or hermitage and was not a lama. She was not a lineage representative by initiation or training. Using our terminology she would be considered a parishioner-student. She studied with a lama (Tibetan for guru) but did not follow the vocational path, did not have a lineage name, and yet still experienced the greatest Tantrik attainment – the light body.

She learned and perfected (from her lama) that which is necessary to attain the rainbow body without having to become part of a hierarchy of the Bon religion as a teacher or a nun.Being a parishioner-student is not a demotion or a loss.

In the same way, parishioner-students have me as their teacher and can learn any of the methods of Tantra or its philosophical teachings and may progress along the path as they wish. If a student knows in their heart whom their guru is – nothing external can change that.

I think it is important to note in this example that the yogini attained the light body and her lama or guru did not!

Swami Niranjanananda, my junior Guru Maharaja, taught me that there is no initiation or course of study to make one a Tantrik Guru. He said that training makes teachers – God makes gurus. Then he explained that “teachers” know the teachings, “masters” are living embodiments of the teachings, and “gurus” are able to change the karma, the fate, of a student for the better through contact with them. This last capacity cannot be learned. And what I’m talking about here is very different than what passes in the modern yoga circles for “saktipat”, i.e. sitting for Rudi’s double-breath sessions with a teacher or getting bopped on the head with a peacock feather and feeling emotionally overwhelmed. The deeper sense of connection and positive influence on the student’s karma that I’m talking about is a far more grounded, more practical, and demonstrable experience that shows up over time.

A parishioner-student decides if their relationship with the teacher is based on external study or an “internal communion” that Tantrikas call “guru-yoga”. It is up to the student to know their own heart.

The student makes the teacher the guru; the teacher cannot make themselves a guru.

How does a parishioner-student know if the teacher is their sat-guru? Swami Satyananda Paramahamsa, my senior Guru Maharaj, has poetically said in answer to the same question posed to him, “How does one know their beloved? . . . They just know, it is not about thinking.”

I am a firm believer that no matter how much Tantra adapts to modern conditions, the function of the guru-student relationship will always define Tantra at its essence. (See the article entitled “Resurrecting the Guru-Disciple System in the West” by Dharmanidhi Sarasvati on the Bihar School of Yoga website).

3. Q: If you were initiated into Visesasamaya level of study before this re-organization of the school and are now a parishioner-student, do you revert to the name you used before?

A: If you’ve already legally changed your name then by all means use it. If you have a strong identity with your Sanskrit name then you may continue to USE THE PRACTICE NAME which is the first name, but from here onwards ONLY LINEAGE REPRESENTATIVES WHO HAVE UNDERGONE THE ENTIRE COURSE OF VOCATIONAL-STUDENT TRAINING and have PASSED THE EXAMINATION and have RECEIVED THE INITIATION as the sign of having done so, MAY USE THE SARSVATI SURNAME. The authorized acaryas will be listed on the Jnanagni Kula website.

4. Q: Is there a probationary “feeling out” period for a student desiring to become a permanent resident of the retreat center or hermitage?

A: Yes. In the Visesasamaya period of study the student will spend large chunks of time each year at the retreat center during which the student’s suitability for permanent residency will be assessed. The length of the time-period will be decided on a case-by-case basis.

5. Q: What defines “permanent resident”?

A: Permanent resident is defined as a vocational-student whose life purpose is to serve the school, the dharma itself, and the parishioner-students. That service may be through perma-culture expertise, gardening, construction, book editing and publishing, cleaning, doctoring, administrating courses, etc. A permanent resident has the retreat center as their only residence. They do not live part-time at the center and part-time somewhere else.

If a permanent resident desires to go to India to study more, or on a yatra (pilgrimage), or to travel with the acarya on a teaching tour, to visit family, or any other purpose, they will put in an application for a period of leave from the retreat center. A decision will be made on a case-by-case basis to ensure the workload on the land will be evenly maintained.

Of course, no one will be forced to stay. Kailash Akhara will not have broken glass on top of the walls and no one will take your passports when you stay there as in some Indian ashrams at which I’ve resided do.

But if a vocational-student is residing at the retreat center while secretly wishing to be somewhere else, they shouldn’t be in that program and would be happier as a parishioner-student.

6. Q: Can you be a permanent or semi-permanent resident of a retreat center if you’ve just started the path?

A: Yes, with some conditions. Kailash Akhara, and any future Jnanagni Kula retreat and learning centers (not hermitages) that develop, exist for the purpose of being used by the student body.

There may be times when the retreat center is closed to visiting students due to running a course at full capacity, but a good portion of each year will be open for students to take retreat.

A parishioner-student may reside at a retreat center for a period of time and may re-apply to extend their stay when the time is up. This will be decided on a case-by-case basis. The fee structure for an extended stay parishioner-student is TBA.

7. Q: What are the “vows and commitments” for the students of the vocational track? Are they possible to keep as an “in the world” householder?

A: Obviously the vows for the hermits are not possible to keep while “in the world.” The permanent resident vocational-student desires to live permanently at the retreat center so it is not an issue for them either, but of course their vows, especially concerning practicing in isolation, are not nearly as severe as they are for the hermits, because permanent residents will come into contact with people when buying supplies in town and when serving the parishioner-students who come to study.

Acaryas have a similar situation to permanent residents, but will be able to keep their vows and commitments while living as a householder if they desire.

8. Q: How will the parishioner-students learn in the new system?

A: Parishioner-students may take any course open to the public whether at a retreat center like Kailash Akhara or at a non-residential center. The administration group of the local area (the parish) will meet with the parishioner-students regularly to hear what the students would like to learn. Then, the request can be made to the head acarya for a teaching. He or she will either teach it themselves or designate a junior acarya to give the teaching.

In cases where an authorized acarya other than the head acarya is residing in the local parish area, the parishioner-students will have a regular schedule of teachings decided on by the students, the local admin group and the local acarya.

We will also be following the old system of Tantra where the parishioner-student(s) make the request to receive a specific teaching, empowerment, etc. and then they sponsor the program as well. Sponsoring means to make all the arrangements, do all the planning and organizing.

9. Q: How will the Jnanagni Kula functions be funded?

A: The parishioner-students and local vocational-students will designate which parish they belong to and that parish administration group will collect a yearly fee from them so that regular programs such as the full moon healing fire ceremonies, temple rituals, social activities, newsletters, etc. can continue.

The amount of the yearly contributions is to be decided by the individual parish.

10. Q: In this new organization, who is considered kula?

A: Any parishioner-student or vocational-student who comes to courses, anyone who attends the regular calendrical rituals of the school, anyone who is associated with Trika Institute or Jnanagni kula or who considers themselves to be a practicing Tantrika who attends the school’s courses regardless of how many or how few, is kula.

Kailash Akhara

Training Hall

Kailash Akhara

The last month has been a time of exponential growth for Kailash Akhara, our Thailand retreat center. The rapid development is a product of Dharmanidhi and his family’s tireless guidance and organization, student seva, and a team of dedicated Thai workers. Now, in addition to tropical fruit and flower trees, the majestic training hall compliments the landscape. Twenty meditation huts overlook the ponds. As the kitchen is being built, its foundation and roof allow students to stay dry while enjoying meals of fresh local vegetables. And this is only the beginning!

Thatched huts on the pond.

While the dormitory is in the process of being built, residential students are living the in the meditation huts. The lifestyle is simple. Without electricity to give a false sense of day and night there is an opportunity for the body to recalibrate just by being here. Bucket baths take place in circles of banana trees and laundry is washed by hand and hung on the line to dry.

Taking time off from their “day jobs” a group of students arrived early for this year’s Tantrik Yoga Studies Group retreat and efficiently prepared the center for the arrival of 40 other students and their families. The columns of the training hall were painted a brilliant yellow gold. Truckloads of grass and bush were removed from the roadside and around the buildings. Then bamboo poles were cut, adorned with Balinese flags and placed around the training hall and along the road. There was an attempt to eradicate ants from the meditation huts, paths were marked, and food and human-waste composting was organized. Whew! Then the rest of the students arrived and teachings, practice, and karma yoga were in full swing.

Yoga in the Training Hall

Whatever your method, the training hall is an incredible place to practice on your Siva Nature. Without walls the clean country breeze fills the space from the redwood floor to the vaulted roof and carries in an occasional butterfly. There’s a raised meditation platform, circumambulation deck, a beautiful altar surrounded by clear glass brick, and of course, wrestling mats. To the East lie splendid Northern Thai mountains, to the North a large pond has been dug and is waiting to be filled with lotus, taro, and other plants and animals, to the South is the first of many gardens.

While there will be several designated gardens on the land, some for food and some for medicinal plants, the entire center is built on permaculture principles. Not only are we using our bodies to mirror the cycles of the sun and moon, we are learning and implementing methods to honor and reflect the generous and abundant nature of Mother Earth. Working in an area where conventional farming and heavy

The permaculture garden

rains have stripped the property of its vital nutrients, we are digging ponds, sculpting swales, planting nitrogen-fixing plants, and sheet mulching as we begin to restore natural balance to the land. The center has the luck of being affiliated with the Earth Safe Foundation, a Thai foundation that teaches organic farming methods and promotes and supports organic farmers. A switch to organic farming benefits both the land and the Thai people. As Kailash Acara develops we plan to become a permaculture teaching center in conjunction with Earth Safe to further advance farming techniques, both here in Thailand and worldwide.

Contributed by Arundhati
Photos courtesy of Pranasakti, Santosima, Arjuna and Julie.

I Want A Sadhana That Works With My Crazy Lifestyle?

Retreating from the crazy life.

I Want A Sadhana That Works With My Crazy Lifestyle?

Dharmanidhi’s immediate, unconditioned, spontaneous response to my question was “I can’t believe I’m hearing these words come out of your mouth; after all these years, Somananda, drop down and give me 10,000 pushups, you know better than that, you can’t have a sadhana to go along with your crazy lifestyle!!” Everybody had a good laugh at the obvious hilarity of my question, including me after I realized what I had said. And so it was rather immediately apparent that two particular worlds in my life were very much at odds.

My contemplation on this issue has been ongoing yet rarely so poignant as it has been after this encounter during summer retreat. My current form of this issue comes by way of a question, “How do I successfully build a new business from scratch and at the same time actually meet the opportunity at hand as a student in the seven year program of TYSG or initiate in the living tradition of the Mahasiddhas no less?” When considering the magnitude of this opportunity and assessing the reality of my duties as a householder (being a professional in my community) the challenge is obvious and something I think many people can relate to in our kula. The day has not yet arrived where true synergy between these worlds is a reality for me. Yet, for any of us to accept this situation as ultimately satisfactory is a severely deluded conclusion, if we manage to self reflect at all; that is, evaluate the fruit of our practice for anything of substance i.e. real change.

The Tantric lifestyle is not a bohemian word for the good life, it’s not based on ancient ideals impractical for our age, it is not open to cultural interpretation, and certainly one may achieve its ideal without ever having heard the term. It is a human capacity to live in harmony with nature regardless of time or circumstances, for our circumstances are the expression that nature is taking at any one time and does not depend upon personal choices. So there are no excuses, anyone can do it unless you insist on the ultimate freedom of decisive confusion; and be my guest, I certainly have.

Sadhana (skt: spiritual practice) is a major component of any Tantrika’s life, usually with a main seated practice and an integration practice incorporated into daily routine. To paraphrase Dharmanidhi, “Spiritual practice is not something you do that just changes you on one level while you continue to be the same person in daily life”. One of the hallmarks of Tantrik practice is that the body and the world are not obstacles to transcend but they are opportunities for the full expression of Siva’s pervasive, unlimited, and ultimately free nature. So we take the opportunity to create an environment (mandala) during sadhana that makes it easy to contact our essence with confidence, then we take it to the field and integrate our essence state with the “real life environment”. The Tantrik lifestyle is a manner of living that optimizes the results of sadhana on the cushion and off the cushion. It is interesting to also think about it as an expression that one’s life naturally takes because of the influence of sadhana, but we digress….

Now having said all that, this is what it comes down to: how effective is my 45 minute sadhana at the beginning and end of my day while my mind incessantly reels from frenetic energy, or is winding up for a day that will be filled with frenetic energy? What possible fruit can I see from a sadhana when its focus is buried beneath the static of eating while I’m driving, answering the phone during business meetings over lunch, getting to work at 6:45 and getting home at 8:00pm, working 60-80 hours in a week? This is a day hurtling towards distraction, fantasy, speculation, and reaction. I’m sure old- world Tantrikas were busy at times also, but only in a fashion that enriched their experience of the divine without compromising important pillars in their cultivation of enlightenment. Really, what gives me the right to enter into the stream of the Mahasiddhas and not guard the fruit of my practice, but squander it on a scattered life that cannot contain it? What is the real motive to acquire these teachings if I do not apply them for real change? Do I want approval, a clique to belong to, is it the Single White Guru complex, do I want some knowledge, security? Am I playing out karma with my teacher or digesting karma with my Guru?

A Tantrik lifestyle is not another strategy for buffering life’s challenges, creating a weird, isolated world no one can relate to, a cage to be victimized by, or an excuse not to engage the energy available in life, and certainly not something that contributes to an already distracted mind. It should be viewed like how precepts are minded, as a tool to help reflect the natural expression of essence in daily life. I imagine that achieving a real Tantrik lifestyle is a sign of some maturity where our desire to enlighten is stronger than our desire to be distracted. Perhaps it’s not just a crucible for real change but real change itself, visible within the activities of one’s life. If I actually get any of this, then maybe I will see the fruit of my deity yoga practice instead of the fruit of a distracted mind. This is not the first lifetime to contact the dharma, how many more must pass? For my Guru’s sake, let not one more second pass that his teachings are not fresh and alive in my heart.

Contributed by Somananda

Back to the Basics

Meditation cushions in training hall.

Back to the Basics

From this most recent meditation retreat at the center in Thailand I am impressed further by the importance of foundational practices.  Dharmanidhi has reminded us time and again that foundational aspects of the Path are distinguished from “beginner” practices because they continue all the way through from beginning to middle to end.  A well built house never loses its foundation and the third story playroom would really be quite useless and even dangerous without the solidity of the base.  In my experience of the seven-year Tantric Yogis Studies Group (TYSG), I have been impatient to live in the upstairs part of the house, when, really, I have not spent enough time building the concrete basement.

The retreat that was just finished was about meditation – specifically classical mind training.  As a practitioner more geared towards energy practices I have often shied away from meditation – thinking, “my mind and body are too busy, I can’t really meditate anyway, so I will do lots of mantra, deity yoga, etc., and eventually I will be able to actually meditate.”  In a sense, this approach is not totally off.  But what I am seeing now is that without the basic building blocks that are related to meditation – the pre-meditation steps – one cannot engage in the energy practices in order to achieve their fruits.  For example, recitation of mantra without the ability to focus and contemplate states of being that are beyond and underneath the mental chatter is quite useless.  In fact, at that level, mantra is just another mental distraction away from Essence, rather than an empowered tool to bring us into deeper states of who we really are.

After hearing Dharmanidhi talk about “piercing” the energy of mantra for the 100th time, or even being totally in the moment-to-moment situation we find ourselves in, I finally feel like I get a feeling for what he is talking about.  Due to such a discursive and distracted inner state I really have not penetrated into the depths of the practice.  As such, practices that are promised by the sages to be truly and radically transformative have been not much more than a healthier buffer from experiencing and expressing the true Power/Sakti of “my” True Nature.  I feel like I now have a glimpse of how effective and powerful these practices are when they can actually be “pierced.”

When you are lost the shortest way home is to turn around and retrace your steps.  This is how I feel after the meditation retreat, albeit without regret for the ground I have traversed these past few years.  Having been impressed with the necessity of mind training, I am inspired to practice the skills of concentration and contemplation and to bring these tools into the practices I really love: deity yoga, muncara, pranayama, etc.  Already I am able to see a drastic difference in the expediency of these revealed methods and I get the sense that we are really dealing with a cosmic live-wire when practicing Tantra.

At this retreat I was also incredibly inspired by the reminder of what I have always known: the mind is the most important center in the sense that it, and it alone, is the basis for happiness (or the lack thereof).  Although it may be challenging, the mind can find peace and contentment even if the body is unhealthy, and though a healthy body helps one to be content, it is no guarantee – otherwise all professional athletes would be in a state of enlightened bliss.

Therefore, we really must give the proper attention to training our minds.  Many of us on the Path – especially yogins attracted to a Siva lineage – are highly critical, skeptical, and perhaps even angry.  I know this has been a large part of my experience.  During this retreat I learned of the importance of actually cultivating what many of us often knock as a “god-realm” feeling and attitude of joy, equanimity, and peace.  This state is not a state of ultimate presence, as it is still contrived, but we learned on retreat that it is a huge and important first step on the way to discovering our True Nature.

We must find the state of equanimity and bliss in our meditation practice and we must extend that sense of peace into our life off of the cushion.  It is essential that we cultivate the state of non-reactivity wherein life does not ruffle our feathers.  The Path of yoga and tantra will not bear fruit if it is not infused with devotional gratitude which can in turn give a sense of joy and pleasure in life. Tantra, often confused as a fire path of destruction and tearing down, is ultimately a water path and will not work unless it is employed with the watery attributes of contentment, pervasive joy, gratitude, and basically just a good, positive attitude.  If we are too serious and strenuous in our efforts to develop then we paradoxically stunt our growth.  I am really attempting to take this message to heart and to not allow myself the self-indulgence of depressive, self-pitying emotions and to actively and consciously cultivate a positive attitude and gratitude for whatever comes up in life.  After all, what we contemplate on we become, and our most precious gift as human beings is the constantly available free-choice to be free from our own contrived world of suffering.

That being said, I am extremely grateful for the resources and beauty of the training grounds in Thailand and for the Teachings that take place in this sacred space.  In the relative world when trying to learn how to walk like a real human being it is a whole lot easier to crawl around and learn how to fall when in a place like the retreat center.  It is simply much more conducive to practice when you are immersed in a place where the inherent qualities of joy and equanimity are so evident when doing yoga in the open-aired temple which looks off into the misty valley surrounded on all sides by green, luscious mountains.

Many thanks for all the efforts that have helped to materialize this awesome reality!

Contributed by Yogesvara

The Purpose of Life

The Purpose of Life: The Imperishable
Dharmanidhi Sarasvati

I’ve heard many people say that at some point in life they’ve wondered – “What is the purpose of life?”

For some people, the desire to search and find the “meaning” never actually arises. For some others the “purpose of life” is such a daunting question that they find themselves in a state of anxiety or depression whenever the “big question” surfaces. Others still take comfort and refuge in solutions presented by modern religions, which supply very simple and ready-made answers to the big question, but which also demand an unwavering belief in some mysterious agency outside the individual.

But there are some people who never feel satisfied with externally supplied answers to the question “What is the meaning of life?” They have a desire to know the meaning of life for themselves; they want direct experience.

Tens of thousands of years ago there were also people who yearned for the direct experience of “the meaning of life.” In India and Central Asia these people were called yogins, munis, rishis, and siddhas. They experimented with the mind, the body, and it’s energy for countless generations, passing on their accumulated knowledge so that each successive generation could delve still deeper into the question- “What is the purpose/meaning of life?”

Eventually these pioneers of the Dharma established within their direct experience – the purpose of life. This flame of Ultimate Awareness has been transmitted in unbroken succession in the many non-dualist traditions of India and Central Asia, giving rise to Kashmir Shaivism, Dzogchen, Orthodox Daoism, Buddism, and Upanishadic Yoga.

It could be said that practicing the Dharma in our tradition of the Tantric yoga of the Mahasiddhas is really the transmission of the answer to the question of the purpose and meaning of life. In our tradition, an individual is introduced to the concept of the Ultimate Reality (meaning of life) by his or her Guru and then the individual is challenged to confirm this experience as their own. Having confirmed this through his or her own direct experience (as opposed to belief and speculation) the individual must then learn to continue in unbroken fashion in this experience which has been identified as the “meaning of life.”

So, what can we say about the purpose of life then?

The purpose, or meaning, of life is imperishable and unsurpassable. At the core of each person’s experience the truth of the Universe’s eternality resides. It is this “beyond time and form” experience that has been described as “nirvana” – or the enlightened state beyond any limitations of concept or form. However, from the perspective of our tradition as yogins, we must directly experience this understanding of life’s purpose (of who we are) and ultimately not accept anyone’s – even our guru’s- explanation as a substitute for our own self-knowledge.

We, as Tantrik Yogins, experience a direct realization of this Ultimate “meaning” of life and then carry that onwards to transmit to future generations of seekers. This is why we constantly remind ourselves that:
As Swami Rudrananda said, your god is the thing you think about incessantly; it is the thing you hold onto the most that you worship. It can therefore be said that many people today worship temporal things – such as money and status – that can never give a full answer to the question, “What is the meaning of life?” Let us look more closely at these two examples.

Money: some people worship money. But even large accumulations of money eventually run out or get lost through stock market crashes, currency fluctuations, and poor investment strategies. Exerting a tremendous amount of energy to make money does not put one any closer to experiencing the purpose of life because that money is an impermanent experience.

Status: some people worship status. The ancients thought that to be immortal was to perform great deeds as a hero and be remembered forever. But great heroes of even just a few thousand years ago -such as Achilles and Hector- are already being forgotten. Their great prowess, deeds, and fame are certainly not going to be remembered forever. Even Lord Buddha predicted that what he was teaching would only last so long before it was swallowed up by the “Imperishable.” Eventually Jesus, Buddha, Mohammad, Moses, Abraham, Confucius, etc. will all be forgotten. No matter how famous and powerful or influential we become or in what sphere of life (political, social, athletic, spiritual) – it will come to an end. Period. So the search for status cannot be the purpose of life.

In cultures that are no longer inspired by and structured upon the Dharma – such as the United Sates – fame and wealth have become the main expressions of the purpose of life. Unfortunately, since the search for eternal peace and happiness through the acquisition of money and fame is futile – the people in these cultures suffer an epidemic sickness of the soul.

We can see a microcosmic example of this situation in Hollywood actors who exemplify the worship of money and status. Americans love their actors and many youths look up to them as role models. With a few notable exceptions, these icons of fame, wealth and beauty (which many Americans are influenced by) are a total mess. They suffer from extreme “sickness of the soul” manifesting as drug addiction, sexual addiction, serial failed marriages, and often suicide or early death.

But Hollywood actors are not the only example of how worshipping temporal and perishable things like status and money are ultimately unsatisfying, for businessmen and industrialists are no different. In the stock market crash of the early 1900’s many people were so devastated by the loss of money and status (their idea of the purpose of life) that they literally leapt out of the windows of their high-rise offices to their deaths.

Now, with the American dollar plummeting, construction stagnant, foreclosures sky rocketing, banks going out of business, unemployment rising, etc., the people who have made their purpose of life the quest for money or status are once again experiencing confusion, pain, sadness, and desperation as their money (a temporal experience) evaporates into thin air (back to the Imperishable source).

It is especially important in difficult times like these to remember that the purpose of life for yogins is to seek the Imperishable spirit within, and thereby know the true meaning and purpose of life itself.

May all Beings be free of delusion.

May all Beings know the eternal peace of their true nature.

Yoginibhu: Procreating For a More Enlightened Society

Yoginibhu – The Awakened Child
-Dharmanidhi Sarasvati

The search for enlightenment, though noble, can become just another form of self-indulgence. Starting on the path by working on one’s limitations, weaknesses, attachments, etc. is a necessity, but we must be careful not to turn a step into a stop.

There is a stage of the enlightenment process wherein you feel that as an individual you are really together. You have a sense of peace that is unable to be disturbed and most likely you feel that if you were to die – everything would be fine.

Simultaneously there is the sense that your realization has not reached its ultimate expansion, and that there are further stages to undergo. It is at this time that one begins to look outside themselves – outside the “self-contained enlightenment” – they ask the next level of question: How does this personal sense of enlightenment relate to my family, society, the world, and even the entire Universe? It is at this point that a practitioner enters into a much wider understanding of the great play of Life. At this point a practitioner begins to understand an enlightenment that is beyond his or her personal experience.

Just asking this question begins to erode any previous sense of individual enlightenment. Integration of this expansion with family and society is usually the next stage in this natural process. In my own experience it was at just this point in my process that I became aware of the teachings about yoginibhu.

I was sifting through the translated works of our great 10th century master Abhinavagupta when I came across the concept of the “awakened child” or yoginibhu. The text explained that if both parents were on the path of the Dharma and if the parents conceived their child as part of a ritual dedicating their love to benefiting all beings that the child would then come into this world with awakened kundalini – or higher consciousness.

The text goes on to say that this is actually the highest purpose of the Dharma. The Dharma is not about individual enlightenment in a far off cave for one’s own enjoyment, but rather is about benefiting society, and uplifting humanity. The text enumerates that one way we can do this is by giving birth to beings who are already farther along the path from previous incarnations of spiritual work.

This turned my world upside down, and as I chewed on this idea everything made sense. Let us remember that whether we have karma to parent or not, we are creating an enlightened society – being-by-being.

Those of us in the kula who will be parents should prepare well for conception and child-birth always remembering this expanded idea of the purpose of Dharma. We can do so by especially making sure that the conception moment is a calling out to the Mahasiddhas, offering ourselves as suitable vessels for them to enter into the world as our children for the benefit of all beings. If we do not have parent karma in this lifetime we can also make a suitable environment for these awakened children by doing our solo practice and consciously participating in the kula. No matter what your karma is, it is important to remember that we are all “birthing” an enlightened society in the wider sense.

I hope the concept of the yoginibhu can loosen our narcissistic and self-indulgent ideas of enlightenment.**

May the Mahasiddhas find a home in Jnanagnikula!

And may all beings benefit!

**Please listen to the recording of “Mahasiddhas and Relationships” from the April 2008 teachings to learn more about the ideas discussed in this article.

Daksayani: Post-diksa

Jaya Guru Dev – Photo taken by Nancy Rothstein

Is what happens during a Kashmiri Shaivite diksha similar to what happens on a pilgrimage to the Divine Mother? When one commits to a pilgrimage, a theme emerges, certain signposts appear and guide one along the path – there is no ending or beginning, just the journey that is winding round and through and betwixt and between. Outside of time and space, kundalini rising, subtle or not so subtle trembling, a sense of merging, the immersion into that vast silence or the envelopment of that humming buzz… Pilgrimage and diksha could be the same experience. In essence they are. They both invoke synchronicities and command devotion, discipline and commitment. Both offer gifts of power and transformation. And both open us to direct contact with the numinous – that ineffable source that is paradoxically palpable and elusive. In diksha and pilgrimage we are led right into the heart of Divinity.

On such a quest Shiva, like Kali, (no, let me say, Shiva and Kali) shake one to their core, rip out the illusory foundations, dismantle unnecessary relationships and attachments, and pulverize the ego! Indeed the experience of Shaktipath – the direct transmission of energy I felt during my initiation with Dharmanidhi – reminded me of the intensity of Shakti that has shook me to my core on innumerous pilgrimages to Shaktipithas or seats of the Goddess. I have spent the past ten years of my life visiting such sites to Goddess, writing about the wisdom and power imbued in the landscape, and expressing the transformative power of pilgrimage in essay, chapter, and poem. I have joked that I am a Shakti junkie and these very ancient sites are the fix that I long for again and again. While I experience Maa in every aspect of my life and being, it is especially at those moments when I am on my knees on rock and soil that has been worshiped for millennia as Her body, my hands in prayer, head bowed low, and my entire body involuntarily thrown into fits of convulsion, that I, like Sati, feel as if I have thrown myself into Her electrifying flames with an all-consuming desire to be liberated…And yet, and yet…I have nearly burnt myself out.

The last two years I have been investigating how I can summon that level of potent Shakti away from those sites – Transform me, Maa, I give it ALL to you, shape me, devour my karmas, let me do my work and be led back to you you younion….How can my very body be the ground of worship? How can Whole Foods or the dry cleaners or the gas station be a Shaktipitha? My quest had become so all-consuming that I began to pray for Shiva to come to me, to be that foundation, that quiescent receptive force upon which I can dance Her dance. After years of not feeling a connection to the Divine Masculine, I turned to Shiva. Shiva, who for years I had thought, like my own father, had abandoned me.

So here I am in 21st century time and space – Berkeley, California, April 2008 receiving Visesasamaya initiation into the Kashmiri lineage from Shiva incarnate, Dharmanidhi Sarasvati. Is it at all curious that the very name I received during Visesasamaya initiation, Daksayani, is related to the Goddess whose very body becomes the sacred sites of Goddess all over South Asia? According to the myth, the god Daksha is hosting a yajna and does not invite his daughter, Sati or Daksayani, because she has married the most unconventional of yogis, Shiva. So adverse is Daksayani’s family to her own unconventional life, that when she appears at the yajna, instead of being greeted like a beloved daughter, she is grossly insulted and told she is not welcome. Overcome with grief and outrage, Daksayani throws herself into the flames. Shiva becomes inconsolable at the loss of his beloved. He throws Daksayani’s body over his shoulders and stomps through the worlds – leaving a wake of destruction everywhere he goes. Before Shiva’s bereavement dance brings complete annihilation, along comes Vishnu, the great preserver, who follows Shiva and cuts away at the physical remains of the Goddess. Each place one of her body parts falls has become a sacred site for pilgrims. The sites, especially the most potent of all (and my personal favorite), her YONI in Assam, are the ultimate pilgrim destination for yoginis and yogis of past and present.

Having been disinherited by my own father 18 years ago for my own wayward choices, it is no coincidence that Daksayani is my name and at this juncture in my life, it is Her story that I am called to skillfully embrace. When I was initially reminded of the self-immolation connected to my name, I shuddered and became fearful. What did this mean?!!!? Of course one of the feminist crusades I led in my twenties was educating women and men on the practice of Suttee (widow burning), a word that comes from the Goddess Sati. Shortly after I received this name I began to wonder, Oh Great Goddess, what do you want from me now?!!! And then it dawned on me: Daksayani’s body is carried by Shiva. Shiva has been carrying me all along but so great has been my grief and rage that I could not surrender to his quiescence. Unlike the widows who join their husbands in their death because orthodox culture does not ‘allow’ them to stay in this world without their husbands, Daksayani’s choice to temporarily leave her beloved ultimately allows for divinity to become more firmly embedded in this world. In dying She makes herself accessible to those on earth who need Her power and blessing. Through this act She makes the greatest of all ascetics accessible to us in the physical realm. In His form as linga, Shiva joins Devi eternally at the most potent of Shakti sites, Her yoni. As Kinsley notes “The main point of the Sati mythology is to bring about the marriage of these two deities so creation may continue and prosper.” Shiva without Shakti is but a corpse, and Shakti without Shiva will implode.

I was led to take this diksha as I was completing an eight- year journey in Berkeley. And like the other times I have experienced darshan, I seemed to have happened upon it. Then, having no expectations around what it really was about, I was led along a road that I would never have anticipated – a road that indeed surprised my ego for all my carefully laid plans for my exit needed to be dismantled – and my direction rerouted.

A few days after diksha, heading home to Los Angeles on the I-5, I reflect on the teachings I had received over the past ten days. I feel hopeful that the practices and philosophy of Kashmiri Shaivism that Dharmanidhi teaches will give me the tools to build my own foundation and will temper the tremendous Shakti that has coursed through my life for years. I ruminate on how this shakti has sometimes wreaked havoc and left a wake of chaos, but ultimately has given me an expanded consciousness and deeper allegiance to Her fiery dynamic spirit. I need to nurture the ground of being – Shiva. Will His teachings be calmer than the crash and burn course I have walked for years? I get an immediate answer: My car overheats. I watch the temperature gauge rise to H, I blast the heat, and watch it fall, then suddenly up it goes again into the red zone (Shakti rising?). I have memories of the smoke that billowed out from my hood only a month before as I passed over the Grapevine and seriously thought I was going up in flames. Daksayani self-immolates herself on her father’s yajna?

A month earlier, when I had noticed the smoke pouring out, I thought my car was on fire. I screeched into a gas station and jumped out of the car with my fierce Durga-cat and beloved companion, Gypsy, under one arm, and screamed for help. (I have to laugh now at how ridiculous I must have looked). But still, I was helped. Every man in sight came running. Ah yes, here we go the old tale of a damsel in distress and the knights in (not so) shining armor coming to her aid. My feminist sentiments do not like this part of the story, but whatever. I needed help and I got it. Along with a new radiator and fan belt. And a restored, albeit deluded, confidence that my car would not break down again for years.

One month later as I made my pilgrimage home, freshly initiated into Shiva consciousness, I watched the smoke begin to creep out from the hood and I wondered if I had re-entered that drama. Only this time we were in the middle of nowhere on the 5. And this time I did not jump out of my car and scream. I just kept driving till I could find a place to safely stop my car. I was surprised that I could calmly watch the needle go up and down. No more Shaktified reaction from me, but a strange stillness. Well, sort of. Maybe this is what we call delusion? It soon becomes clear that I have not integrated those Shaivite teachings as much as I would have liked.

My cat Gypsy and I pulled off of the freeway and sat next to a field for two hours while we waited for Triple A. It was late afternoon and a part of me worried about dusk falling and the potential danger of being a woman alone on the side of the road near some field with my cat and a car stuffed with baggage from my life: computer, jewelry, books, half my wardrobe, etc. This could be bad. Alright, here come my fears. My vulnerability of being a woman is provoked. One of the kula brothers I call reminds me how dangerous it could be especially since I do not have a firearm (bless his concern and generous offer to come and get me, but I worry and wonder should I have been driving with a gun???). Now I am really freaked. Time to chant. Why create a drama? Another part of me observes it all. Merely observes. PRESENCE. Abiding in the Now. There is really nothing else to do.

You were ripped off, the Triple A guy told me as he slammed my hood. I used to be a mechanic but got tired of how unscrupulous the majority of mechanics are. Do you know how many women I saw my boss screw over? That is NOT a new radiator, sweetheart. Sweetheart?! Those guys duped you. You mean that nice mechanic in Venice lied to me? It happens all the time. You should have seen what my ex-boss did to this 74 year old woman. Told her a new water pump on her RV would cost $5000 when it cost only $200. She called me crying and had to cancel her trip. He ruined her life. I was shocked and saddened. And annoyed. What is up with my intuition? I thought I could trust my mechanic in Venice. We had shared a beautiful shaktified conversation when I brought my car to him. The way I was led to that shop had been very synchronistic. I had experienced the body shop as a temple of sorts. I thought I had experienced his divinity being reflected back to me. Was I just lost in the god-realm? My mind is in shock -Really? He lied to me?!!! Uh oh… Do not, I told myself, do not let your mind go down this path of betrayal.

What is the teaching here? I am not sure what Dharmanidhi would say, but in this moment I think of Dhumavati and the karmas of interacting in the world that cause grief and trouble. The bitterness that comes from the pain. The longing for Shunya beyond Shunya. Dhumavati, Goddess of Radical Acceptance of How Things Are. All that smoke (one of her preferred offerings) from under my hood. Dhum dhum dhum. I decided to do japa: I am not going to freak out. I am not going to freak out. I am not going to freak out. Om Namah Shivaya.

Triple A will not take me further than the Best Western in Firebaugh. 6 miles away. Firebaugh. I am spending the night in a place called Firebaugh? I call Shambu again (who in a previous incarnation had been a mechanic) for advice. He tells me to stay in Firebaugh and get towed to Fresno the next day. If Shiva says to dance in the flames of Firebaugh, then I will listen. For a brief moment I can find my humor and surrender. Doesn’t Daksayani throw herself into the flames? Here I go….

The next morning as I wait hours for Triple A to come back and tow me 60 miles to Fresno I call on Ganesh. I am on a journey. It is not pleasant, it is not what I had wanted but today I will just go with it and take things as they come. I need to stop assuming others are out to get me – even if the Triple A guy was fanning the misogynist fires on how men cheat women. Little do I know that Ganesh has other plans in mind.

Obstacle after obstacle appears on my path. Well, of course. I know Ganesh also brings us obstacles to redirect us, but I still do not like it. Triple A does not want to tow me to Fresno but to a podunk town called Los Banos. No way! What the hell are we going to do in Los Banos? It was only after I mention my cat does the Triple A guy promise they will authorize the tow to Fresno, and then 15 minutes later the tow driver tells me his dispatcher said it has not been approved and I need to pay $400 to get there or else he will leave us on the side of the road. Out comes Durga’s sword, noose, goad, and club, her unrelenting conviction, graceful composure and invincible spirit. I am not going to scream, I am not going to cry, I am only going to see that justice is served. Like Durga I can be tough, unyielding, and I can do this with a slight smile on my face. I hold my ground and call Triple A back and finally am able to get the tow approved. Battle won. Firebaugh behind me. Shiva dancing in the flames of my heart, Kali taking a rest. Durga…Durga at my side as She always is.

Through the flat Kalifornia countryside we drive. If Goddess is everywhere, She is here in these cotton fields, in the dry dusty roads, in the dilapidated trailers, in the garbage that lines the ditches and in the grumpy tow driver who wants to pick a fight with me. You could be in India. Find beauty in the destruction. I tell myself. Find peace and know that if you were left in this field you could be perfectly content. You would feel God. You have nothing to fear.

Had I not recently received that initiation, I may have unleashed Kali from my brow and let her become intoxicated by the blood of devouring demons in the form of crabby tow drivers. Instead we sit in silence and I stare out the window looking for Shiva. With my cat in my lap like Durga on her tiger, we arrive in Fresno.

Mike the mechanic meets me. They are all called Mike. Three of the men who help me along this journey are named Mike -the same name as my biological father. Coincidence? No. Here I am, recently initiated into a Shaivite lineage – seeing the world through the eyes of the Divine Mother and Divine Father. Finding goddess and learning to find god in my heart – and in everything. Perhaps Shiva is both male and female, but for me, for the journey I am on, I need to relate to Shiva as male. Daksha disinherited me but Shiva did not. This is a myth about union. About embodiment. About transformation. Gypsy and I spend 6 hours at the mechanic. As it turns out my radiator IS new. I had NOT been duped by my mechanic in Venice. But there are other obstacles to overcome. My car has blown a head gasket. I do not even know what that is, but when Mike describes it I think of Chinnamasta and her severed head with blood spurting out into the mouths of the dakinis at her side. My car, who I had named Nila Rasa, has lost her Shakti – her life force. Or maybe she was just spurting a car version of Shakti? Such a loose association, but hey, I look at everything and wonder which expression of MAA I am being shown. If I cannot see Her in my busted gasket then maybe I am not participating in non-dual reality.

The rental car company tells me they have a midsize car for me that can cart all my baggage (remember I am moving the rest of my stuff), and then they show up in a tiny little car. Oh. Sorry. It is all we have. This happens twice from two different companies. How should I be interpreting this? That I have too much baggage I am holding on to? Mike is fed up with rental car companies and crooked mechanics in Fresno (this seems to be a theme). He goes on and on about bait and switch-how they are just waiting for innocent victims, like myself, whose cars have broken on the 5 and get towed to Fresno. The rental car companies as well as most of the other mechanics in town know they can take us helpless folks for a ride. I am in tears. “WE ARE LIVING IN HELL,.” he tells me. Did he just tell me this is a hell realm? I wake up for a moment. Enough of my crying. I am doing a little too much enneatype-4 right now. I am sick of my self-pity. “No, Mike we are not living in hell.” I say. “That is another realm…” He gives me a strange look. “I am just trying to have a human existence here and feel the presence of the divine in both the difficulties and the beauty. This is maya, (I don’t tell him my former name was Yogamaya. I do not have the energy to go into it all). There is suffering but we have a choice as to how we respond or react.” I know am failing miserably at this game today. But ultimately it is all okay.

I get the rental car. Mike helps me load in my stuff. Gypsy sits next to me in the front seat and I start to cry tears of relief that I am finally on my way. All I want to do is chant and I fumble around for one of my favorite kirtan CDs. The CD player does not work. The f**king CD player does not work! Shiva, God of Silence, OK. You got my attention. Silence it is.

Did I mention I am bleeding? I have my moon. Perfect timing. It is Beltane, the pagan holiday of sexuality & love and my period has come a week early. Whenever I start bleeding early or out of cycle it usually coincides with a puja I am performing, or a presentation on Durga in any of Her forms I have to give. Only later do I recognize the synchronistic timing of this diksha/pilgrimage and my blood. In Assam, where Daksayani’s yoni fell, the water turns red for one month every June. Yogins come from all over the world to pay homage to her sacred flow, for menstrual blood is the most potent of elixirs that can lead one to liberation. I have cramps and am bleeding so heavily that I bleed through my jeans – but I do not notice until hours later when I hit a Starbucks hoping to find something besides fast food. They have sold out of their last salad and annoyed, I go to the bathroom and notice blood. Everywhere. Soaked through my jeans. Hello Maa. I say. So this is how it is going to be? Fine.

Hours later I arrive home and unload my car – my vermillion powder has spilled out over the back seat of the rental – it looks like the site of a sacrifice and I ask myself what has been sacrificed on this pilgrimage home? My hope for it being a smooth, easy journey? The desire for leaving the past behind to be conflict-free and comfortable? My expectations and attachments to the journey I think I should be on? I go to my landlord to give him my rent check for May. Instead of striking up a conversation with me, he looks me up and down and just smiles. “Go and rest, Laura. We will talk tomorrow,” he says.

I find it strange that he does not engage me more. I have not seen him for a month! How odd! And then I enter my Shakti red cottage and look in the mirror. KALI stares back. Hair totally disheveled, eyes bloodshot from crying, and red powder covering my lap while reddish brown splotches stain the back of my jeans. Kali, Daksayani. Here I am. In one version of the myth, when Shiva does not want to go with Daksayani to the yajna she becomes so enraged she manifests as all ten Mahavidyas. Shiva goes to run in one direction and there is Bagalamukhi, another-Kamala, another-Matangi, Chinnamasta, Dhumavati… he turns back to his wife and Kali stands there frothing at the mouth… The Mahavidyas, Shiva, Durga, Ganesha all dance in my mind’s eye. What energy is not tempered in me? What teachings must I still learn to embody?

Maybe at this moment I cannot engage in philosophical discourse about Tantraloka or all the reasons for Karma, but I can tell you what it feels like to embody Her. To see life through Her eyes. To know I am Her in the chaos and now, finally, to know what it is to be held by Shiva. To be enveloped in His stillness. To know that this diksha with Shiva sparked Kali to rise and dance within me – shaking useless structures, rerouting and repairing my vehicle (Every Goddess must have Her Vehicle) and giving me a new foundation upon which to stand and embrace the unconventional nature of my life and being. Daksayani throws herself in the fire as an act of ultimate surrender. Yes, she feels grief, but ultimately she knows that we all must fling our limited beliefs and emotions into the sacrificial fire. And Shiva will be the one who pulls us out. For this moment I understand. Daksayani’s self-immolation offers the possibility for Union.

Yogesvara Says Good-bye to Kula Home

Here’s to my brothers and sisters of the 285 Newton Street “kula house.” I want to write a little piece that might be particular to the individuals who I have had the great honor of living with these last few years, but in presenting it here in this public forum I hope to convey the beauty, joy and importance of living not only in community, but in a kula-community home.

When we first moved in a few years ago I was a bit of a hardened wreck. As many of you remember, it was quite a regular scene for me to close myself off in my room in order to wallow in the isolation of depression, anger, and self-pity. Of course, my false pride told me that I was doing the noble thing by not letting others have to deal with my problems, and that I would come back to the community when I had “figured it out” on my own. Hah! Not only did I not really ever figure it on my own, because figuring it meant NOT being on my own, but I also came to see that just because my door was closed did not mean I wasn’t impacting my environment. My selfish behavior was felt and sensed by all, and in ways that weren’t so subtle. But, to my credit, actually, I exposed myself to the process of really living in community, of really being intimate, which is to say, I started to he honest.

By coming out and saying what I did not want to say: that I needed help and to ask my roommates to literally drag me out of my room when they noticed me slipping into my self-created funk, I accomplished most of what needed to be done for me to start to unfold my humanity. The rest now is follow through and details and I am unendingly grateful to you guys and gals who took the courage in those uncomfortable moments to come and knock on my door and say, “Yogi, get out here! If you’re gonna sulk, then you’re going to sulk right in the middle of all of us who love you.” Well, as you might imagine, it takes a lot of effort to maintain the contrivance of dramatic self-pity in the face of real people showing real kindness. The image of “woe is me” simply fades away in this environment of sincerity. So, by no means am I a beam of perfected virtuous light, my dear ones, but I have you all to thank for the layers and layers of self-defense that have slithered away from my experience while living in this house.

Now that I am embarking on a journey overseas to Thailand it feels appropriate to reflect on the things I love which I am leaving behind. Some, of course, are too personal and intimate to mention in this article, but, I must say that I will truly miss coming home to a house full of real-life folks who are getting it on the world – cultivating truth, beauty, love, wisdom, health, and compassion. It is an unfathomable blessing to smell home-cooking on the stove almost every night and to sit down and break bread… with family.

Really, what more does one need that cannot be found in a true home? There is love and tenderness, sadness and grief, honesty and directness, duty and responsibility, joy and laughter, silliness and seriousness. And, of course, there is always wine, sake, music, and most important of all, there is always good food in a true home. Food cooked by people who love, for people who love, in ways that are loving – there is no medicine greater or more guaranteed. I will always cherish our meals together at home and I look forward to the many more we will share, as always, family style.

To top it all off, for a man who is a bit more weird than the average bear, how much better can it get to wake to the sound of ringing bells and chanting, to sleep to the smell of incense and to know that you are surrounded by the sights, sounds, symbols and senses of freedom, of god, of goodness and of truth. Everywhere you look is an image of divinity, words of wisdom from our Guru, offerings from puja, insightful deep and unique individuals talking about dharma, people praying. Samavesha is the Sanskrit word for immersion. Living in this house has been samavesha. I am humbled and grateful.

So, again, thank-you all for your kindness, your compassion, your strength, your honesty and your wisdom. Thanks for letting me be me, even when I annoyed the hell out of you. It is a lot easier to know the radical self-acceptance of stage 3 when you live amongst people who really know you and still accept you for all your quirks, faults and assets. I am off to deepen my journey into the experience of my True Nature, but you all have provided me such a tremendous base that there is only one way this all can end up: totally in love.

I wish you all the very best and the most auspicious blessings. May you all continue to be lights in the dark for all to see, virtuous emanations of God, Grace, and Guru. I love you all and I am honored to be your brother. May all beings know the true meaning of having a home. Tat astu.

With sincere devotion,
Yogesvara

Poem: I Love Duality

I Love Duality, 5/19/08

I love Duality.
How else could I call out in prayer to You
My love?
How else could I know the rapturous joy
Of longing to know
The contours of your breast?
I love Duality, this appearance of separation
That allows me to play
With the notion that I want you so badly
And that You might actually come to me.

Oh, will You come to me?

The tension of the suspense can be too much to bare,
Yet the electric titillation of the friction of opposites
Is so damn human
That I want to laugh, cry and sing
The praises of Paradox,
Truth, Love and Glory.

I thank God for the experience of forgetting
Myself in order to know the beauty of devotion and prayer.
I bow down in reverence to the Mystery
Of Creation, with all its Strange Sadness
And Strife, Beauty, Love and Joy.

What a boon, dear Love, to know You
As an emanation
Of my own True Heart.
I cherish your Sweet Sound, powerful and
Present, ringing through eternity
And spilling out through the silence of my eyes
Which shine: I love You,
I love you.

-yogesvara